


À fleur de peau

by crownlessk_ing



Series: CODA [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comfort, M/M, Part of the CODA series, Past Rape/Non-con, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26252956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownlessk_ing/pseuds/crownlessk_ing
Summary: "It only takes a sultry tone dressed in a grin and the feline sweep of slender limbs for the papers to be forgotten. It’s easy to coax him into bed nowadays, Levi thinks. Erwin’s hunger grows daily and pushes him down Levi’s arms further and further each time. He feels almost like a charlatan, using ploys he’s observed his whole life to draw Erwin closer in, but Levi’s becoming insatiable, and he wouldn’t mind if it’d trick Erwin into forgetting that men have never been the main subject of his desire."Missing scene from my main fic CODA, told from Levi's POV.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Series: CODA [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1891453
Comments: 19
Kudos: 68





	À fleur de peau

**Author's Note:**

> Hello you all!
> 
> This fic is a little extra content from my main story [CODA](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18318854/chapters/43362971). It contains spoilers for the main story and cannot be read as a stand-alone cause many things wouldn't make any sense otherwise. Please, don't read it unless you're caught up on the main story (:
> 
> It's a missing scene, told from Levi's POV, that occurs right before the last scene of Coda's chapter 14 (right before ~you know who~ makes an appearance, cause I'm evil like that.)  
> I wasn't initially planning to tackle Levi's POV until I was finished with the main story but this idea got a little out of hand and I ended up writing it anyway. It's the first time I'm writing anything in present tense, it was a bit strange at first but I think it suits Levi's style better. I hope to keep this consitent for the other Levi's POV scenes I'll write in the future. I don't know when that will be tho, but I really want to write more from his side~
> 
> Anyway, hope you'll enjoy this little extra content, it's soft and mildly angsty at the same time, and turns out Levi is just as unreliable of a narrator as Erwin, so, yeah, haha.
> 
> Happy reading :D  
> I'll get back to the main story now and hopefully I won't get distracted again too soon~
> 
> Beta read by the usual team, [TheIndifferentDroid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIndifferentDroid) and [Melody_Of_The_River](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melody_Of_The_River/pseuds/Melody_Of_The_River)

The night has risen behind the curtains of the bathroom window, he notices as he opens his eyes. He shimmies gently in the water, basking in its engulfing heat one last time before stepping out. It’s a shame, the tiles and mirror are still covered in steam, his bones are still aching from the afternoon spent degreasing and polishing an arrival of used clarinets at Farlan’s shop. He’d have stayed in the scalding water longer if it wasn’t for the restless stutter of anticipation that beats in his chest.

He makes a quick way to pat himself dry on a plush towel – he isn’t a man of luxurious habits, but he appreciates the expensive bathware of Erwin’s – and slips into joggers and a worn undershirt, both dark grey rather than black from extensive use. He picks on the loose threads of his top, nose wiggling from the slight scent of use. He shrugs; he’s not planning on staying clad for long.

He patters his way out, drawn by the dull sound of an evening talk show crackling from the radio. Erwin is lounging on the sofa when he reaches the living room, hunched over some official looking papers, and leaning towards the buzzing glow of the halogen lamp, eyes squinted – that man will never admit he needs reading glasses. Beneath the frame of his mussed hair, the skin of his face glows yellow under the lamp, white streaks of light burn the bridge of his nose, the apple of his cheeks and the plane of his forehead. The topmost buttons of his shirt are open, giving way to his broad chest, and the light catches on dusted golden hairs. 

Levi wets his lips, standing in the doorway, looking, yearning, and mildly annoyed that even such banal details of Erwin’s appearance catch his attention.

Setting down the paper onto the armrest, Erwin picks the pen dangling from his lips and scribbles something hurriedly with a frown. Taxes, probably, or something equally boring that a man like Erwin would willingly spend his evening reviewing, although, even he seems to be lulled by his reading. It’d be a waste to let Erwin’s effortless appeal be held captive by such a mundane task. 

It only takes a sultry tone dressed in a grin and the feline sweep of slender limbs for the papers to be forgotten. It’s easy to coax him into bed nowadays, Levi thinks. Erwin’s hunger grows daily and pushes him down Levi’s arms further and further each time. He feels almost like a charlatan, using ploys he’s observed his whole life to draw Erwin closer in, but Levi’s becoming insatiable, and he wouldn’t mind if it’d trick Erwin into forgetting that men have never been the main subject of his desire. 

He’ll have to let Erwin go one day, he’s been warned; straight men only come to other men for temporary comfort, and will be gone chasing petticoats once they’ve been well catered. Until then, Levi intends to feed him feast upon feast, selfishly towing praises out of the man to patch up his own deprived needs. Self-care he’d borrow from Erwin’s starvation, although, he’ll make sure Erwin would be back on the market stuffed to the brim. 

Laying side by side, naked and gently aroused, Levi finds it hard to care when their legs and arms slide together lazily and Erwin licks into his mouth. He’s enjoying himself there, inside Levi’s warmth, and Levi keeps telling himself it’s a two way road. Comfort is given, taken, and the momentum has yet to relent. Levi sways with the flow – Erwin smells clean, his tongue is rough and bears a sweet aftertaste of expensive cognac – and he’d be a fool to disturb it. 

They have found each other in that position more and more, basking in the other’s presence for no other reason than indulgence, without pressing hints of lust. Levi still wallows in the afterglow of orgasm, but lately, it’s become less of a necessity. He enjoys the more languish pace, and he doesn’t mind if it doesn’t go further than two bodies flush together sharing fleeting caresses. Tonight however, Levi has other plans. The flutter of his heart comes back at the thought. 

He’s made up his mind after inconspicuous discussions with Farlan and Athena. The idea has been there since day one, but the will to make it happen toiled to follow. And rightfully so; it’s unhygienic and the intricacies that come with avoiding a wider mess require zeal. He’s been getting ready for a couple of days, meticulously adjusting his diet and cleaning habits, listing all the advice he’s heard throughout the years to make sure he’s all set.

And whilst Levi deemed to ignore it, he knows, deep down, that this is merely an excuse for what’s really been holding him back. He can feel acid bubbling in his throat just thinking about it, about the sickening memories of the act that got his eyes stinging with tears, trembling and howling with rage as he laid in his own filth and blood. Back then, he already knew the gruesome circumstances to be far from standard – he’s heard countless horror stories of nasty sexual encounters throughout his life, and few were as jarring as his. Yet, he had not been keen to give it a fairer chance, and until recently – until Erwin – he’s never had a reason to. Lately, he’s tried to shun his memories in favour of more uplifting tales. He’s never asked, but he’s grateful for his mates’ gossiping habits. Farlan insisted it feels good if done right. Athena eased his clean-obsessed mind when advising her chicks with fairly graphic details. And he’s heard from countless sources that it’s definitely good for the other party involved. 

He decided that if Erwin can get to enjoy it more than his still clumsy sexual favours, then it’ll be worth the trouble. He likes seeing Erwin pleased, not only from rapture, though he’s the most gorgeous when a sheen of sweat glows on his flustered features, lips parted and swollen, eyes as dark and foggy as the sky of winter dawn. He can’t explain why it brings him so much comfort, but it does. He probably wouldn’t have bothered with so many blowjobs if it didn’t. Whilst Levi enjoyed giving them, the taste of condom definitely isn’t pleasant, and neither is the ache in his jaws at times. 

It startled him how often he’s found himself longing to taste Erwin as of late. The thought of having someone’s cock directly in his mouth and salty fluids on his tongue was revolting not so long ago. Now, it’s intriguing. And, despite his endless teasing, Erwin actually keeps himself clean – he’s made an effort at it lately, which Levi appreciates immensely. He smells nice, his skin tastes nice too, and Levi’s even growing a fondness towards the musky flavour of Erwin’s fresh sweat. He thinks he may genuinely enjoy swirling his tongue around Erwin’s bare prick. But, until they get tested, it cannot be more than a fantasy. 

Tonight’s idea though, whilst equally as challenging for his aversion of bodily fluids, is only a condom and a handful of lube away, and Erwin should get all the more satisfaction from it.

He slips a hand between them and tugs at Erwin’s groin, non-committed yet firm strokes to rouse his desire. Erwin sighs a contented laugh in his ear and adjusts his legs to give Levi better access. He knows this sudden shift means Levi has schemes grander than cuddling their post-dinner laziness away. Satisfied with Erwin’s assent, Levi sets to his task with more fervour. Deft fingers touch where they stir a reaction from Erwin while his teeth graze up his neck, velvet lips and earlobe. Erwin groans quietly – it’s more a rumbling of his chest that Levi can feel tremble across his skin – as he sinks deeper into the mattress.

He raises his gaze to Erwin’s closed eyes.

“Are you falling asleep on me already?”

Erwin chuckles.

“The idea has crossed my mind,” he mumbles before his eyelids flutter open. Behind them, his eyes are murky. “But I have a feeling that wouldn’t do well by you if I did.” 

“It’s barely nine, if you sleep now, your schedule will be all fucked up.”

Erwin hums, his eyes already rolling back shut. 

“Then by all means, keep me awake.”

Levi doesn’t wait and swings his legs around Erwin’s waist, sitting up as he pins him flat underneath. Erwin grins, and Levi chases his cocky attitude away with a bared-teeth kiss. He jolts with a whine before filling Levi’s ferocious mouth with his tongue. He nibbles at the wet muscle, playful but assertive, while he proceeds to bring Erwin to a satisfying sturdiness between his impatient fingers.

Tearing himself from Erwin’s clawing hold at his nape, Levi fumbles around to fish out fresh towels, lube and a condom from the bedside. Erwin’s gaze is inquisitive when Levi sits back on his lap, and the answer comes soon as Levi rolls down the condom and grossly spreads lube over. Erwin’s breath catches; he’s silent, still, but as soon as Levi has wiped his hand on the towel, he wraps his fingers around his wrist. Levi wiggles away and braces himself on Erwin’s chest instead. Erwin’s hand finds his arm again, but it just sits there, waiting. Levi hopes it’ll stay this way; Erwin always talks too much.

He quickly shuffles hips and knees around Erwin’s waist before the man can try and protest. Levi’s resolve is already brittle enough to be disturbed by Erwin’s queries. He keeps his head tipped down, away from the burning blue eyes trying to catch his. He isn’t nervous; he doesn’t think so, at least. But he’s not eager for the flaring pain that awaits him either. Farlan said it’s not supposed to hurt. Unlikely. It hurt before. But if that’s for Erwin’s sake, it’s fine. 

He sits back and reaches behind to seize Erwin’s viscous cock. The yucky feeling draws a slight wince out of him, but he doesn’t let it hinder his will, and he slowly lowers himself until the cold, rubbery tip nudges his skin. After a quick breath, he guides Erwin closer, bracing his teeth. 

“Levi.” It’s not the kind of tone Levi is used to in bed – breathless and higher pitched. It’s the other kind he was hoping to avoid, which is heavy with worry. 

He finally raises his eyebrows up and finds Erwin’s face tied in a frown, lower lip pinched between his teeth, just as he expected. Well, fuck.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” his hand twitches around Levi’s wrist.

“Yeah, nothing I haven’t done before, big guy.”

“I know. That’s why I’m asking.”

Levi stills, unsure of the nature of Erwin’s reluctance. Maybe he doesn’t like the idea either – Levi wouldn’t blame him, it’s not very hygienic – but he doubts it’s the right answer. He wonders as he remembers Erwin’s displeased, almost hurt reaction when Levi had brushed over the fact that he’s done that before. It’s not fair, he thinks, Erwin has had plenty of sexual experiences in the past, he shouldn’t be bothered that Levi had too. Or is it just because this would be crossing the line that keeps Erwin edging on his straight side? 

He doesn’t understand. Isn’t that what guys wanted? To stick their dicks in any orifice they can, the tighter the better, no matter the package? The gears in his brain spin quickly, trying to recall what he’s heard. He’s sure he’s right. 

He frowns.

“You don’t want this,” Levi bleats, features dropping with bewilderment. 

Erwin tilts his head, eyes blinking slowly and filling up with a heedful glow. His hand rubs up and down Levi’s forearm.

“Only if you want it too.”

“It’s fine,” Levi assures curtly. 

It was the wrong answer, he reckons as Erwin’s eyebrows furrow deep enough to carve a dip between them. Reaching Levi’s rear, he drags him forwards. He stumbles and lands heavily over Erwin’s hips.

“Then let’s not do it.”

“What? Why not?”

“It’s not enough if it’s just fine, Levi,” he explains, voice and eyes adamant. 

It’s a side of him Levi still struggles to fathom. Erwin’s consideration can be annoying at best, and, most of the time, it’s unwarranted. He wonders if it’s not himself he’s trying to convince, rather than Levi. 

He folds his arms across his chest.

“Seriously?” he huffs. “You think I would have been eating rice and stuck a pear-shaped piece of plastic up my ass for the past two days if I didn’t want to do it?”

“Levi, it’s not– Wait, you planned this out?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, “I don’t want the bed to be covered in shit after we’re done.”

Erwin’s eyes widen, mouth agape with uncertain words.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s fine now,” Levi quickly adds. “I did everything I was supposed to do to avoid a mess this time.”

Erwin’s mouth finally closes for him to swallow. 

“This time…?” His features darken. “Levi, what happened the other times?” 

“I’m sure your big brain can figure it out. I’d rather not have to enumerate the specifics.”

“Levi, this is…”

“Yeah, boner killer. Sorry.” He unties his arms and reaches for Erwin’s crotch behind him. “Let me fix this.”

Erwin catches his hand first, setting it down onto his abdomen and not letting go. 

“No, that’s not the issue.”

“Kinda. How are you supposed to fuck me with that limp cock?”

Erwin tugs at his arm, scolding.

“Levi, I’m not going to _fuck_ you.” His voice is grating.

“No? Thought you’d take the risk nonetheless. You know, I’ve heard it supposedly feels better than a cunt.”

Erwin flinches, sulking. He relents after breathing out a few sighs.

“Please, Levi,” he presses, tone edging. “Will you let me have a say in this?”

Levi rolls his eyes. Erwin won’t let this go without a talk – typical.

“Sure.”

“I appreciate the efforts you put into this, and I don’t doubt your sayings,” his words come out calmly. “But you should have told me you were considering this. We could have discussed it beforehand. I think you may have some misconceptions. And, to be fair, I’m not well informed either.” 

“Misconceptions? I’ve done this before, Erwin. And I grew up in a brothel. I’m sure I know a thing or two about anal sex.”

“Yes, Levi, that’s…” he inhales deeply. “We’ve talked about this, haven’t we? I respect Athena and the rest of those girls very much, but their experience isn’t the common one. It’s a business transaction.”

He thinks it’s easy for Levi to remember this kind of detail, but he can't just trash what he’s been taught for Erwin's contentment. Truthfully, he struggles to grasp the difference between the two, and ultimately, he isn’t convinced it matters. It’s still sex.

“Right,” he concedes. “Farlan, too, has told me about his flings more than I ever wish he did. And he’s not a hooker.”

Erwin hums, considering the words behind squinted eyes. 

“And what about you, Levi? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you did not enjoy your past experiences, did you?” 

Levi tuts. It grates his nerves when Erwin asks a question he already has the answer to, just because he wants Levi to admit things. It makes him feel like he’s a child. 

“That’s an understatement.” 

Erwin nods knowingly, because apparently he thinks he knows better than Levi what he’s gone through. It’s boastful and it annoys him.

“This kind of experience can cause pretty hefty trauma,” he starts with caution. “I don’t want you to relive that.”

Levi agrees to that last statement, at least.

“You’ve not planned to beat me up beforehand, have you?”

“ _Levi_.”

“Yeah, okay, it was awful. And filthy. And fucking painful.” 

He rubs his forearm where he remembers biting down so hard it left a teeth-shaped bruise for weeks. Erwin seems to want to read into the gesture, so Levi stops. 

“It’s not like I wanted this to begin with, I didn’t have much of a choice back then. But it’s different if it’s you.”

“How different do you expect this to be now?”

Levi knows well enough he’s not getting away without an interrogation. Fine, he’ll play along.

“Well, for starters, we’re in a bed, not a concrete floor. It’ll be less messy. And, I don’t know, Erwin, I just… like having sex with you. You make it feel good. I’m sure it won’t be as terrible this time around. You’ll enjoy it, too, and I guess that makes it worth the hassle.”

The intensity of Erwin’s gaze doesn’t falter despite the tender glow that comes to soften his frown.

“Not as…?” He shakes his head. “No, Levi, it’s not worth it. You’re not going to endure anything because you deem I’ll get something out of it. Unless you actually want this to happen, it won’t. I refuse to become the source of another ordeal. You need to enjoy this, too. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

He feels his nose scrunch up with frustration. 

“Yes, Erwin, I’m not an idiot.”

That’s why he doesn’t like it when Erwin wants to talk. Each time, he manages to drag what Levi takes for granted through the mud. He’s aware that he’s not the brightest bulb in the room, but until he met Erwin, it never bothered him. Now, Erwin makes him feel like it matters. Levi’s eager to learn, and on most topics, he actually values Erwin’s patient explanation, but when it comes to considering the foundations of Levi’s views, however, it never fails to strike a nerve. He can’t say if that’s because it paints Erwin as an arrogant know-it-all, or if it’s because it makes Levi grasp just how far from reality he’s been nurtured. 

He misses the days where his challenges were about his physical skills and not the brain-bruising reform of his whole world.

It all shambled upon meeting Erwin. He still can’t fathom what drew him so fiercely towards Erwin, despite all the odds working against it, but the pull kept growing and growing, and Levi’s found himself bargaining for more than he could take. He has yet to wrap his head around the fact that he’s attracted to someone, let alone a person so far from his world – so proper and educated. It shouldn’t make sense, and perhaps it doesn’t, but Levi’s now laying naked in Erwin’s bed, offering a part of himself he never wanted to give up ever again, and surely, it means something. If he can’t understand it himself, he believed Erwin would. Instead, he’s greeted with more questions that derange him. 

“I know you’re not, I’m sorry.” Erwin’s hand slides down Levi’s arm, fingers weaving with his. He’s warm, he’s tender, and Levi thinks that’s all that should matter. “It’s just… I want to make sure we go about this the right way. We are under no obligation to do anything at all. The patience you’ve shown me these past few weeks has been a blessing. But it needs to go both ways. I don’t want you to do it because you’ve heard this is what I may be after. It’s not.” His eyes catch Levi’s, and he’s unable to look away. “I’m after your fulfilment and, most importantly, your well being.”

His fingers wiggle against Erwin’s.

“Right.”

Erwin pulls Levi’s hand closer, bends him until it can reach his lips. Breath hot, eyelids low over scrutinizing eyes, Erwin’s lips seal his pledge at the tip of Levi’s blood-stained hands. He knows he’s done nothing to deserve it.

“Do you actually want to do this, Levi, or is it because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do?”

Levi opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything. His teeth grit together quietly. Muting the preconceptions of what he thinks is right, he brings himself to consider Erwin’s question. He’s tried it before and in his thoughts, he trusts Farlan’s words and it doesn’t hurt. It’s just him, Erwin, the mingle of their sweat and the swirl of their breathless pants. In his thoughts, Levi basks in the feeling of Erwin being inside him. The concept was initially too wild to sink in, and he’s found himself taking his hand out of his briefs hastily on many occasions as his brain supplied his nightly fantasies with flaring memories. He had not realised how much this had afflicted his bodily reflexes. Yet, the more intimately he gets to know Erwin, the less frequently it occurs. 

He’s even considered testing the waters by himself and see if his anguish would arise from a mere touch. However, he’s never brought himself to do it – it was too nasty, and he never planned out his wanking sessions to make sure he was ready for it. He tells Erwin so, unabashed to admit pleasuring himself thinking about him. It makes his cheeks flush red and Levi can’t help but grin at the sight. 

What he doesn’t say – doesn’t know how – is that the idea of fixing this dysfunctional part of himself has been growing in his mind, and Levi wants to prove that his past experiences don’t reflect reality. It’s not something he can achieve without Erwin, however. And even if the trust he places in Erwin isn’t enough to wipe out the unwanted memories, he’s willing to try it out. It wouldn’t be Erwin’s fault if it fails; the man has already proven his patience, his gentleness and his regard for Levi’s boundaries. It’s a noble trait of his. 

There is no point in trying to trick his way into this. For all he knows, it may end up as disastrous as Erwin succumbing to his demons in that very same bed, weeks ago. Levi’s damaged goods too, after all; he tends to forget it.

He understands Erwin’s concern now, because it’s been mutual. It indeed isn’t a business transaction, he reminds himself, but instead, shared support between two people who happen to care about the other more than themselves – at least, Levi does. He’s still learning to care for himself too, but it’s a hassle, and the borders of what he deserves and what he still has to redeem himself for keep rippling. 

He’s just worn out from this never-ending nameless battle.

Nodding his head, Levi lets himself bare. He hasn’t gotten used to the power Erwin has on him that makes him offer his vulnerability like it’s a tribute, but he tries to embrace it. 

“Can’t we just try it out? I just want to… get this over with.” His voice rasps. He clears his throat and finally looks up Erwin’s eyes. “I don’t really care for the details, I know it’ll be good with you, and that, I want. Better memories.” He inhales slowly. “You said you understood, didn’t you? Do you still, now?”

The way Erwin’s eyes widen as his chest swells with air is telling. The throbbing of his heart reverberates a beat against Levi’s palms and the sharp edge of his gaze wanes out. 

“I do,” he breathes out slowly, wary of his own concession. 

The trust is not quite mutual yet. Levi thinks it’s only fair, he hasn’t been fully honest with Erwin, after all, and he’s probably more aware of it than Levi anticipated. For this though, he wants Erwin to know. He bends down, almost shyly; the words about to slip out are strangers at the tip of his tongue, and he buries them in Erwin’s neck.

“Then I trust you.”

He feels the flutter of Erwin’s throat, hears him swallow thickly. A spread out hand nests in his lower back, warm and grounding. His breath weaves through Levi’s hair before he shifts to face him. 

“You’ll need to guide me through this, Levi. Through you. Let me know how you feel.”

“Yeah, alright.”

Erwin’s face searches his, skidding and grazing so their breaths interlace. Lips brush skin, catch on curves – cheeks, nose, parted lips. Erwin’s eyelashes tickle. His gaze makes Levi’s heart writhe. He tilts his head and seizes Erwin’s mouth with his before it becomes too overwhelming. Erwin yields, offering Levi to conduct each of his motions. The kiss is slow, deep, heavy with a meaning Levi doesn’t quite grasp despite being in charge. His tongue is prickling, his skin crawling. He pushes Erwin back into the pillows, using his body weight to hold him down steadily. His strength, at least, never betrays him like his emotions do. It’s easier this way.

He acts quickly, confident in his wrestling instinct to smother the itch induced by Erwin’s incongruous consideration. He bites, scratches and claws all he can reach until Erwin groans and starts to fight back. It’s shy, cautious, but his grip tightens, his mouth rises to the bait and his breath stutters.

Levi hums, nudges his head against Erwin’s chin as his hands scramble down to steer the pulse of his blood where he wants it after quickly discarding the cold and sticky condom. Erwin pants hot air in his ear as he draws swift and keen strokes up and down. He nibbles his way to Erwin’s lips, hard and demanding as he grows impatient. The kiss sears up from Levi’s vehemence – he likes Erwin rough and hungry better – but what he feels between his fingers doesn’t quite follow the pace. Levi leans back, hand pushing away sticky hair from his forehead before finding anchor around Erwin’s knee. The night’s chill smacks his open body, but the heat pervades from Erwin’s curious gaze. Levi has noticed he’s becoming more attentive to what his body has to offer. Erwin’s more willing to touch and taste, to linger on the bluntly masculine hills and valleys of his ragged edges – coiled muscles, narrow hips, the scatter of battle scars and dark fuzz that grows thicker down the cut lines of his abdomen; his cock too, rooted in black curls and that leaves Erwin’s brain no way of misinterpretation. This is where Erwin’s eyes halt and grow fuller. Levi’s own flutter half shut. 

He withdraws his hand from Erwin’s meek arousal and takes it to his own flaccid cock. Hips rolling up in anticipation, he cups his crotch whole. He likes it when Erwin watches, he can’t explain it; he’s sure he’s got nothing of a narcissist, but the man is always so observant of everything Levi undertakes that it makes him eager to show. Levi’s exposed now, body in full view for Erwin to consume with eyes like dusky skies. There is no teasing, no performance or seduction in the way Levi candidly grips down and works himself to hardness. It’s fast building, the sheen of sweat breaking through his pores makes his hand glide easily, but mostly, it’s the way he feels Erwin’s body coil and squirm beneath him that feeds his desire. 

Erwin mutters something unintelligible – it’s breathy and hoarse and not meant to be heard. Levi is sure it’s not in a language he understands anyway. He grins. Erwin does that when he overheats, subconsciously lets English words slip out of his mouth. There’s a sultry flavour to the vowels that rolls off his tongue like his mouth’s full of honey. Levi wishes he knew what they meant, although he's certain of their lewd nature. Somewhere in there, he recognises his own name, the accent that coats the syllables is a treat to his ears. He hisses a shallow breath, hips soaring up; witnessing Erwin’s usual composure being conquered by his primal instincts is extremely rewarding – arousing. Levi had not anticipated that impudently touching himself would get Erwin so worked up.

Opening his eyes again, Levi follows Erwin’s down, where they rest on the relentless motion of his hand between his legs. His mouth’s agape, his cheeks are flared, and his furrowed eyebrows shine with drops of sweat. _Fuck_ , does Levi adore seeing him come undone. He grunts, forcing his hand to slow down before he teeters past the edge. Erwin looks up to him through his eyelashes; the sheer lust in his eyes is startling. 

Erwin gets off on sentimental confessions, Levi thinks, and maybe he’s a little perverted, too. Either way, the wickedness that threatens to burst from Erwin’s severe expression sends chills all the way into Levi’s stomach. Erwin claws the meat of Levi’s thighs as his eyes tip down again to catch a glimpse of the clear, slick mess Levi’s making on his abdomen. He licks his parted lips, unaware, and Levi shivers. He wonders if Erwin is thinking about finally indulging him with his mouth. The mere thought makes his arousal spike, and he quickly removes his hand from himself. 

Teeth grating, he hunches forwards and props his hands over Erwin’s chest, watches the man nibbling, tugging, licking at his own lower lip, eyes dark and locked onto Levi’s hard member. Levi strives to recover his breath; he’s never seen Erwin so hungry. If Erwin decides to act forth, he’s sure he’d come within seconds. He doesn’t want to deny this unbidden treat, but he has to, at least, for now. Erwin can indulge him afterwards if he still wants it, but first, Levi wants to be the one indulging him. 

Bracing himself, Levi sits back with an electric sigh. He looks down; Erwin’s hard, flushed and leaking. Levi bites his cheeks, almost disappointed he won’t be able to catch the taste on his tongue.

Chasing the thought, he swings his legs to the side to grab another condom, but Erwin sits up suddenly, as if torn from his musings, and wraps his arm around Levi’s shoulders. His throat gets overthrown with wet, swollen lips. Levi moans; Erwin’s usually shy hunger is shining through, and he revels in it.

Sometimes, he feels like he’s the only one who actually seeks pleasure with the other. That’s one more reason why he wanted to give himself whole to Erwin and let him have his ways with his body. He stands by this belief, still, despite Erwin’s reservations. Whatever Erwin wants, he can take it from Levi.

He cants his neck upwards to show he means it. Sheltering him with his single arm, Erwin drags his tongue along his pulse, his fingers along his spine, and Levi never tires of the tingles Erwin’s touches stutter within his chest and skin. Erwin moves his fervent lips to Levi’s mouth as his hand rounds the curve of his backside and lingers there, light.

“Can I touch you?” he asks, voice blissfully low and thick.

Levi’s breath catches. He had not expected Erwin to actually be so bold tonight, to want to explore his body so keenly. This one demand is filthy, but it is so incredibly intimate that Levi's thighs twitch, and a long dribble leaks from his cock. Fuck, he thinks he genuinely wants this. He grabs Erwin’s wrist and guides it to his mouth, taking two fingers in to suck on them avidly. He hears Erwin gasp.

“Yes,” he breathes hot against Erwin’s wet fingers. 

Erwin remains frozen in trance, eyes enthralled by the swirl of Levi’s tongue over his fingers. But Levi’s patience is wearing out, and he takes Erwin’s hand back where it was. It seems to spark to life at the contact of Levi’s skin, and it slides carefully in between. He sucks in a hissed sob when Erwin touches, and almost tumbles forwards. His skin catches fire, flames crawling with shivers. 

“Fuck,” he chokes, head tipping down and hips pushing towards Erwin’s touch.

He never expected to be so sensitive. On the reluctant times he’s had to take care of himself down there, even no later than an hour ago, it had never felt but clinical and intrusive. The latter is still here, but in a way that’s deliciously pleasant. It doesn’t feel like Erwin’s trespassing, instead, it’s like he’s picking up the cheap bargain offered by Levi like it’s a treasure. 

He gulps, ordering the tension in his legs to uncoil and he sits back down where the tip of Erwin’s finger are there to meet him. He bites his lips hard and hides his face in the crook of Erwin’s neck so the man cannot see nor hear him. Erwin hums, it reverberates against him, a sound verging between inquiry and wonder, and Levi sighs a moan back at him, hot and heavy and encouraging. Erwin’s fingers twitch gently, barely grazing the surface of the most intimate, filthiest part of his body, and the feather-like touch once again rouses sharp needles all the way from the base of his neck to the soles of his feet. Levi actually enjoys it – wants more, and more. He pants, drawing air from the skin of Erwin’s shoulder. 

“How does it feel?” Erwin whispers. 

“Yes,” is all Levi manages to answer, once again seeking contact with Erwin’s digits. “Don’t stop.”

The huff of a quiet laugh skims at his nape and Erwin gains the confidence to delve in and rub his finger gently around. Waves of pleasure rise, up and around the tip of Levi’s dribbling cock. 

He swears again in a breath before reaching down to give himself a few strokes to alleviate the strain. It’s almost too much already, and he straightens his back at once, swatting Erwin’s hand away.

Erwin’s watching him, eyes peered, gauging the meaning behind Levi’s sudden reaction, ready to strike at the first sign of him relenting. Levi isn’t going to give him any, and he pushes Erwin back against the headboard. Quickly and with swift motions, he slips another condom on, coats it in lube again. Erwin remains docile and only caresses Levi’s thighs while he sets up the groundwork.

“It’s fine if I stay on top?” Levi asks after discarding the towel.

“Of course.”

Repeating his motion from earlier, he lowers himself on Erwin’s body and guides him in. He swallows in a breath and sits down. It goes slow, very slow. He thinks he’s never going to breach in, but then he remembers that this part of him has been breached before without any help nor want. He exhales and fumbles behind himself to adjust the angle, and tries again. The discomfort of the stretch makes him set his jaw tight. He expects pain to follow. He tries to ignore the misplaced sensation and memories that nudge the foreground of his thoughts and instead focuses on the rise and fall of Erwin’s abdomen underneath his supporting hand. His breathing syncs up to his – deep, slow, patient. 

He slips further down, and it’s not long before an uncomfortable pang arises from within, where Erwin’s cock is lodged. He halts his descent, takes a moment, and slowly moves back up. And down. And again, each time trying to push further, but the flaring strain deranges him, and so he deems to adjust the sway of his hips to accommodate how deep he can take Erwin. It works better.

Erwin’s hand is rubbing circles on his thigh; Levi takes it and brings it to his waist in a silent encouragement. Erwin closes his fingers around the dip of his hips and sinks into the pillows. Worry ebbs out in his eyes and they rest half-closed. Levi takes the quiet of the moment to exhale his own tension out and focus on the hot presence inside him, working to wrap his head around the sensation. It’s odd, in a way that doesn’t have its place in a bedroom, the intrusion mildly disconcerting, but there’s no actual pain. He isn’t even quite as grossed out as he expected to be. Considering the rightful extent of his qualms, Levi counts it as a victory.

He resumes the swaying of his hips, senses alert as he tries out different positions: propped on Erwin’s chest, hunched over so his forehead nests under his jaws, then sitting back anchored around Erwin’s thighs. The differences in sensation are hardly noticeable, but on the latter, he gets to view Erwin fully beneath him, and he likes what he sees. A lively red hue shines over the swell of his cheeks and plush lips, the gold of his hair is dark and scattered in heaps over his forehead, his chest rises broad and full from his laboured breathing. Levi etches the sight into memory behind closed eyes and rolls his hips harder. He’s rewarded with a low moan and nails that dig into his thigh. He hums in return.

The discomfort has winked out, he notices as he picks up some speed. It’s not necessarily pleasant, still, but the idea of their bodies being so intimately joined is enough to keep him keen – and fuck, Farlan may have been right about the exalting feeling of coming as one. He peers down and his heart grows when he finds Erwin looking so enraptured. He groans; the frustration he meant to convey doesn’t quite withstand the gratification he finds in Erwin’s pleasure. When has he become so sentimental? Erwin’s rubbing on him the wrong way, and he struggles to hold onto his grudge, not when an imperceptible squeeze around his knee makes him reel in closer. His hands frame Erwin’s golden halo of tousled hair.

“How do you feel?” Erwin whispers, fingertips climbing up Levi’s shoulders.

“Alright.” Erwin doesn’t look pleased with the answer, and so he amends. “It’s nothing like my previous experience, if that’s what you wanna know. It’s just not mind blowing either.” He shrugs. “Don’t take it personally, Blondie.”

Erwin cradles the side of his face. He rests his cheek there; it’s warm and cushioned and he loves how he fits whole inside his palm, from chin to hairline.

“It can take time before it feels good, we don’t have to rush through this today, Levi. We can stop at any time, you know.” 

Levi nods and nuzzles the heel of Erwin’s hand, kisses it. Erwin redirects his course until it’s his lips Levi kisses next. He lets it linger, catches the taste on his tongue before he resumes the rocking of his hips. Erwin’s breath swirls down his throat, he holds it in and props himself up to broaden the reach of Erwin inside him. 

Erwin’s still holding onto his nape, kneading the knob of his spine tender. He seems to be mildly enjoying himself, his hips stutter a gentle sway to Levi’s rhythm and his eyes are half closed and drinking the sight full. Yet, there is tension in his eyebrows that tells Levi he’s refraining himself with caution. That’s not quite how Levi wanted this experience to go for Erwin. He yearns to witness Erwin losing himself, but of course the big-brained bastard had to intellectualise the act and let thoughts take out the fun of it.

He considers encouraging him to loosen up and take what’s given fully, but his thighs strain a little, and whilst he knows he could keep at it for hours, the heat of the friction starts to burn. The sensation within is getting numb, and his arousal has withered. Erwin tries to rekindle it with his hand, but Levi gently moves him aside. He thinks he could come by the stimulation but he’d rather it be laying down. It’ll be better if they both move on and finish off how they have grown comfortable with so far. He wonders if Erwin still holds his hunger to suck him off; the idea sits gingerly in his mind. Levi could also wank Erwin, or take him in his mouth, too, though Levi would take it to the shower, given the slick mess that’s down there, even with the condom. 

“Are you close?” Levi asks, waning out the rolling of his hips.

“Not yet.” 

“Okay.”

He sways up and down a few more times before eventually slipping off to lay on the side. He wipes himself with the towel and helps Erwin clean up too. Erwin kisses him, touches him, hand and breath sultry and whilst Levi would indulge, his skin itches all over. He wants a smoke.

He drives Erwin away and sits up, reaching to his cigarette pack on the bedside table before waving his hand at Erwin's hard crotch. 

“You wanna come?”

“I’m fine. Do you want to stop here?”

“Yeah,” he breathes with a puff of smoke.

The stone of the lighter keeps rolling under his thumb long after he’s killed the flame. Erwin watches, so he puts it down. Eyes lost in the swirl of white smoke that skim upwards, he threads his fingers in Erwin’s hair instead. The silk of it eases into his mind.

He can’t explain it but somehow, doing this affected him more than he realised. He hated what these pigs did to him, never asked for it and only let it happen out of preservation instinct – life in prison thrives under the law of survival of the fittest after all. That’s all it was, or at least, that’s what he used to think. The memories sometimes resurfaced in odd dreams, but it was the filth and the fear of disease like the one which took his mother that made his skin crawl the most. And yet, despite the necessary precautions he took on that regard, it’s not what fills his guts with stones tonight.

It lodges deeper into recesses of his mind he doesn’t usually explore. Levi calls it unnecessary fuss, but Erwin had called it trauma earlier, and now that he’s sitting bare and numb, he understands why. He doesn’t like the sound of it one bit; he deems it’s yet another omen that stands between him and the man he wants to please.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Erwin laces his fingers with Levi’s. 

He finally stops fidgeting and turns his head towards him. The blue of Erwin’s eyes is restful, not intense enough to be piercing, but its depth is longing. It’s got nothing of the red glow of hounds’ pupils Levi recalls from years ago. He fills his lungs with more smoke.

“I’m thinking I’m sweaty.”

This isn’t quite what he meant to say, but he cannot put words on what makes his stomach sit low. He’s neither eloquent or knowledgeable enough about the intricacies of psychology to voice it, but he feels light. It could be from the workout his thighs just got, but it’s not just his legs; his whole body is floating in an odd way. Sweaty is fine, he thinks – much better than soiled. 

“Levi,” Erwin calls, expecting more.

“Seriously, I’m fine. Just–” he hesitates between overwhelmed or underwhelmed. He can’t decide. “Tired.”

“What else?”

“Don’t worry your pretty face, Blondie. Your dick’s fine.” Erwin keeps his gaze intense, waiting on Levi. He taps his ashes and shrugs. “I didn’t feel much. Given the circumstances, I’d say it is good news. I just want a shower now, my ass is all sticky.”

“Okay.” 

Erwin’s still wary. Levi nibbles on his lower lip, gathering words to explain the deep drowsiness in his bones and hopefully erase the doubt of Erwin’s gaze.

“The idea of having you inside of me was nice.” He turns his head away, cheeks flaring hot. “Which, considering where you were, is a fucking miracle.”

He hears Erwin inhale deeply behind him as he shuffles. His hand doesn’t even touch Levi’s skin, but he feels its warmth spread out along his spine. He leans back into it. 

“So, would you say the overall outcome is positive?”

Smoke pricks Levi’s throat as he suppresses a snort; Erwin has a knack for sounding really pompous sometimes. It's as endearing as it is annoying.

“Yeah, I enjoyed it,” he says through a smile. He stubs his cigarette in the ashtray and flips back into the bed. “Let’s do it again sometimes. We can figure out how to make it feel good. I’ll ask Farlan about it.”

“Yes, that sounds good,” Erwin nods with soft-edged eyes. “I don’t want to be the only one to get something out of this.”

“Did you like it then?”

“I did.”

“Cool.” He considers his words for a moment and decides he owes them to Erwin. “And just because it wasn’t necessarily pleasurable doesn’t mean I got nothing out of it.” Like new memories to go by, he thinks.

Erwin raises an eyebrow, probably surprised that Levi admitted the intimacy of the act was enough to sate his needs. Levi can’t blame him; it’s uncanny for him too. He believed orgasms were the only reason worth instigating sex in the first place, but it seems that thought has shifted. Damn Erwin and his stupid romanticism.

Levi liked the chase for release of their earlier days, one that was just a new tool to tend to his impulses, and he suspects, one to fill up the vast emptiness of Erwin’s core. Trust between two broken people who have no one else to truly rely on and who understood each other enough to figure out this turn of their relationship is beneficial to them both. It was never supposed to be more than that – and that was already a lot, Levi is awfully aware of it. He’s never planned to let Erwin see parts of him he barely accepted to see for himself.

Levi feels his heart squeeze a couple of beats. _Again_. This keeps happening since the pace has shifted to a slower one – a more intimate one Levi was not ready for, and still isn’t. It pushed him far beyond his limits, and today he knows for sure that he’d stepped way past the line. Yet it had felt like the next natural step; Levi barely considered the meaning behind what he gave Erwin, his only worry laid in its proper execution. His heart skips another beat, his breath is drawing short, and fuck, he may be way deeper in this than he ever wanted to be. 

He isn’t sure of what it means, of how much this is going to affect him later. It’s deranging, but he deems he’s done enough thinking for the day. He’s never been good at grasping this kind of feeling, and he’s already lost all he tried to preserve; this time, he’ll let himself drift with the flow without interfering. 

“Anyway, shower.” He’s dizzy, high on something he doesn’t understand. He has not even come, so it doesn’t make sense for him to feel so lightheaded. He scratches an itch on his arm and jumps to his feet. “Come on,” he adds, signing Erwin to follow.

The simple invitation seems to wash the last doubts off Erwin’s mind. They step into the bathtub after the water becomes scalding hot – too hot for Erwin who ducks away from the jets. Levi gives him a minute to accommodate – he won’t be clean unless his skin flushes red – and hooks the shower head up. He squeezes showergel into Erwin’s palm, then his own and they let hands roam free and trail a foamy lather across skin. They keep to themselves from the waist down, out of practicality, and Levi takes extra care to wash the uncomfortable excess of lube. Once rinsed and satisfied, he lets the back of his head fall against Erwin’s chest as water keeps pouring with puffs of steam. He feels good there – clean, warm, and safe. He closes his eyes, counting each drop that hits his face, and feels himself drift off.

“Levi,” Erwin nudges him gently. 

Levi hums to let him know he hasn’t fallen asleep – yet, he may have if Erwin spoke a minute later. 

“Let’s get out,” he mumbles, turning around and reaching for the faucet behind Erwin. 

The loud thud of the rainstorm stops, droplets tick and chime at the bottom of the tub. Levi hides his face in Erwin’s chest, breathing in the warm scent that’s unmistakably Erwin’s – like rich wood and spice.

It seeps in his pores, like everything else that is Erwin’s. It’s too late for him to pretend it’s not affecting him down to the marrow of his bones. He should care, but the cocoon is too warm, soothing, and he’ll stay cooped up there until he gets evicted. No, he thinks, he can’t ruin this for himself. Just like Erwin, he’s denied his welfare for far too long, and it isn’t fair to want to fix it for Erwin if he isn’t ready to make the change for himself too. It’s not like Erwin has to know everything anyway, and once he’s all sated and made anew, he’ll find another woman and this will stop. Erwin will move on before he can consider just how dirty Levi has played him. 

Some things never really change, and he reckons that he’s wallowed in the criminal air for too long to shed the habit. He’s a petty thief, and he’ll steal his atonement from Erwin’s sweet and unknowing care. It can’t be bad if Erwin never figures it out, right? Levi’s a master in his art; he’s only ever been caught because he wanted to be. It’s not like he’s being disingenuous because he wants to; he knows his past isn’t compatible with the purgative life Erwin is offering on a silver platter, and for as long as Erwin believes Levi to be the cure he needs, he’ll pretend to be. Then, they’ll part, and Levi will have memories to cherish and yet another loss to mourn. It won’t be the first; he’ll be fine.

His eyelashes graze Erwin’s wet and cooling skin as he closes his eyes and finds a place to store the soft texture of the fingers that draw circles over his shoulder blades, the warmth of his breathing that swirls on his hair, the grace of his virtue. His heart swells – overflows.

“Thanks,” he mouths against Erwin’s skin, against Erwin’s heart.


End file.
